Historical jokes

[stevep]

Nov 4, 2024 19:08:17 GMT American hist said:

On the Wehrmacht sniping range, the lieutenant says to a fellow soldier: "That guy over there is pretty good".

"Yes indeed, but I have a feeling that we should better check his personal background".

"Why?" "After every shot he carefully removes his fingerprints from the rifle".

Sorry I don’t get the joke

  I think the suggestion is he's previously been a professional assassin.  Hence he removes evidence such as fingerprints.

[Max Sinister]

Nov 4, 2024 22:19:33 GMT stevep said:

Nov 4, 2024 19:08:17 GMT American hist said:

On the Wehrmacht sniping range, the lieutenant says to a fellow soldier: "That guy over there is pretty good".

"Yes indeed, but I have a feeling that we should better check his personal background".

"Why?" "After every shot he carefully removes his fingerprints from the rifle".

Sorry I don’t get the joke

  I think the suggestion is he's previously been a professional assassin.  Hence he removes evidence such as fingerprints.

Or a crook in general - maybe a safecracker.

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Some real Adenauer quote from 1955: "Wenn die Österreicher von uns Reparationen verlangen sollten, dann werde ich ihnen die Gebeine Adolf Hitlers schicken." (In case the Austrians would demand reparations from us, then I'll send them the bones of Adolf Hitler.)

[stevep]

Nov 5, 2024 8:15:06 GMT Max Sinister said:

Nov 4, 2024 22:19:33 GMT stevep said:

  I think the suggestion is he's previously been a professional assassin.  Hence he removes evidence such as fingerprints.

Or a crook in general - maybe a safecracker.

---

Some real Adenauer quote from 1955: "Wenn die Österreicher von uns Reparationen verlangen sollten, dann werde ich ihnen die Gebeine Adolf Hitlers schicken." (In case the Austrians would demand reparations from us, then I'll send them the bones of Adolf Hitler.)

  I like that one.

  In terms of the previous joke the fact he's such a good sniper that's why I was thinking assassin but you could be right that he's a more general criminal.  Either way he would fit in well in the 3rd Reich.

[Max Sinister]

This may become history one day, that's why I mention it here.

Recently (early November 2024) overheard this in Germany:

Man #1: "Watch out when you drive back."
Man #2: "Why?"
Man #1: "The traffic light [coalition] is broken."

[Max Sinister]

When Günther Prien had become father of a daughter in 1940, he received this message: “Ein U-boot ohne Sehrohr ist heute angekommen -- A submarine without periscope arrived today.”

[stevep]

Nov 13, 2024 17:24:06 GMT Max Sinister said:

When Günther Prien had become father of a daughter in 1940, he received this message: “Ein U-boot ohne Sehrohr ist heute angekommen -- A submarine without periscope arrived today.”

  I hope that was an already pre-arranged code else he could have been very confused.

[Max Sinister]

Nov 13, 2024 17:38:20 GMT stevep said:

Nov 13, 2024 17:24:06 GMT Max Sinister said:

When Günther Prien had become father of a daughter in 1940, he received this message: “Ein U-boot ohne Sehrohr ist heute angekommen -- A submarine without periscope arrived today.”

  I hope that was an already pre-arranged code else he could have been very confused.

Possible, but not proven. I heard this old joke several times ago, sometimes with cushions, sometimes with melons with/without stem. But apparently this may have started with Prien.

[Max Sinister]

Nov 13, 2024 17:24:06 GMT Max Sinister said:

When Günther Prien had become father of a daughter in 1940, he received this message: “Ein U-boot ohne Sehrohr ist heute angekommen -- A submarine without periscope arrived today.”

Apparently Dönitz made this joke whenever one of his captains would become a father. Not just for Prien.

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A real anecdote: Chancellor Helmut Kohl is visiting the zoo of Berlin. When he's just leaving the house where the primates are (said to be a very impressive place there), he meets an old Berlinian woman.
Old woman: "Sind Sie der Kohl?" (Are you that Kohl guy?)
Kohl: "Ja."
Old woman: "Und da dürfen Sie so frei herumlaufen?" (And then you're allowed to run free like that?)

[lordroel]

Saw this on Twitter (X):

An old Polish joke from communist times:

A man walks into a shop and sees the shelves are empty.

He says: "Oh, so you have no meat?"

The shopkeeper replies: "Sir, this is the shop with no fish. The shop with no meat is across the street."

[Max Sinister]

A state-run bicycle factory in East Germany is celebrating their 15th anniversary. Many prominent guests, big speeches. At the end, an average guy is allowed to the podium because he was the first customer 15 years ago - he had a bike chain to repair.

At first the fellow thanks for the great honor, then he asks the director: "And when will I get my chain back?"

[lordroel]

Found this on Twitter (X):

[Max Sinister]

Nov 23, 2024 10:20:49 GMT lordroel said:

Found this on Twitter (X):

Old but good! Do you have any specific Helmut Kohl jokes from the Netherlands? Maybe I don't know them yet.

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Now to this video I wanted to post. "Spitting Image" is quite famous outside of Britain - the German copy "Hurra Deutschland" not that much. It's less of a biting satire and has more slapstick - maybe German TV producers think that hard-working Germans don't want the kind of fun where you need to think a bit when they relax in the evening after their hard work.

Anyway, the vid about Kohl's crossword:

Kohl: "'Chancellor of the reunification' with four letters... 'I'! (counts letters) That doesn't fit! Why doesn't that fit? ..."

Hannelore: "Yes, you, Helmut! They mean you!"

Kohl: "'You'? Y, O, U - also doesn't fit, I need one letter more!"

Hannelore: "Yes! They mean your name!"

Kohl: "'Your'? (counts letters) - that fits! Y, O, U, R - four letters! Fits exactly! Ah, Hannelore, if I didn't have you..."

(I'd like to hear your comments, even if you don't think it's great humor. I know it's just good for a quick laugh, and only if you don't love Kohl.)

[lordroel]

Nov 23, 2024 15:51:18 GMT Max Sinister said:

Nov 23, 2024 10:20:49 GMT lordroel said:

Found this on Twitter (X):

Old but good! Do you have any specific Helmut Kohl jokes from the Netherlands? Maybe I don't know them yet.

---

Now to this video I wanted to post. "Spitting Image" is quite famous outside of Britain - the German copy "Hurra Deutschland" not that much. It's less of a biting satire and has more slapstick - maybe German TV producers think that hard-working Germans don't want the kind of fun where you need to think a bit when they relax in the evening after their hard work.

Anyway, the vid about Kohl's crossword:

Kohl: "'Chancellor of the reunification' with four letters... 'I'! (counts letters) That doesn't fit! Why doesn't that fit? ..."

Hannelore: "Yes, you, Helmut! They mean you!"

Kohl: "'You'? Y, O, U - also doesn't fit, I need one letter more!"

Hannelore: "Yes! They mean your name!"

Kohl: "'Your'? (counts letters) - that fits! Y, O, U, R - four letters! Fits exactly! Ah, Hannelore, if I didn't have you..."

(I'd like to hear your comments, even if you don't think it's great humor. I know it's just good for a quick laugh, and only if you don't love Kohl.)

Do not know any kohl jokes, but now this, sorry if i offend anybody with this.

[Max Sinister]

Not the first time I saw this video here... :-)

New joke:

An Eastern German diplomat is asked: "Are you censoring the mail?"
The diplomat: "Of course not! - However, it's verboten to send letters with subversive content."

[Max Sinister]

(Austrian) baron Hosnedel: "I'm reading Emil Ludwig's book about Napoleon."

(Hungarian) count Szerdahely: "Ah, I know, I read it too. Nice, isn't it? Have you reached the part where he's in Elba?"

Hosnedel: "Please, don't spoil!"