Historical jokes

[stevep]

Jun 5, 2022 13:29:35 GMT Max Sinister said:

Between 1933 and 1939. A German Jew and a nazi are standing in front of a world map.

J: "Can you tell me what the green blots are?"

N: "That's the perfidious Albion and its colonies, which we will conquer one day."

J: "Ah yes. And the blue blots?"

N: "That's our erbfeind* France and its colonies, which we will conquer one day."

J: "Aha. And the big red blot?"

N: "That's the Bolshevist Soviet Union, which we will conquer one day."

J: "And what's the brown spot in the middle of Europe?"

N: "That's the Greater German Reich."

(pause)

J: "Does the 'führer' know this map?"

* hereditary enemy

  Think I've heard that one before but it highlights, even without the sheer incompetence and stupidity of the Nazis the hopelessness of their position given their stated aims.

[miletus12]

He actually wrote it.



He lied about the "Lost Cause" and he supported racist policies to disenfranchise American citizens of their rights. And he bungled the Versailles Treaty. Plus he discombobulated the American federal government, set back social reform a century and ruined the economy. So what was his PHD actually worth? 

In his own words...



And he lied about that, too. He knew exactly what he was doing. 

[lordroel]

Jun 5, 2022 16:22:28 GMT miletus12 said:

He actually wrote it.



He lied about the "Lost Cause" and he supported racist policies to disenfranchise American citizens of their rights. And he bungled the Versailles Treaty. Plus he discombobulated the American federal government, set back social reform a century and ruined the economy. So what was his PHD actually worth? 

In his own words...



And he lied about that, too. He knew exactly what he was doing. 

What is the joke about these.

[miletus12]

Jun 5, 2022 17:37:22 GMT lordroel said:

Jun 5, 2022 16:22:28 GMT miletus12 said:

He actually wrote it.



He lied about the "Lost Cause" and he supported racist policies to disenfranchise American citizens of their rights. And he bungled the Versailles Treaty. Plus he discombobulated the American federal government, set back social reform a century and ruined the economy. So what was his PHD actually worth? 

In his own words...



And he lied about that, too. He knew exactly what he was doing. 

What is the joke about these.

I recently wrote something about totalitarians a short while back about that they have absolutely no human empathy and no sense of compromise? They also will not accept responsibility for the harm they do. They are utterly delusional and virtually sociopathic in these qualities. 

The joke with Wilson is that he fits the paradigm and yet he is held up in my country by so many intellectuals as the "champion of liberalism and democracy".   

 

 

[lordroel]

Jun 5, 2022 19:01:02 GMT miletus12 said:

Jun 5, 2022 17:37:22 GMT lordroel said:

What is the joke about these.

I recently wrote something about totalitarians a short while back about that they have absolutely no human empathy and no sense of compromise? They also will not accept responsibility for the harm they do. They are utterly delusional and virtually sociopathic in these qualities. 

The joke with Wilson is that he fits the paradigm and yet he is held up in my country by so many intellectuals as the "champion of liberalism and democracy".   

 

 

still i do not see a joke in the post you made.

A example of what i find is a Historical jokes would be:

French fighters

A Frenchman walks into a library and asks for a book on warfare. The librarian replies, “You’ll only lose it.”

A royal response

What did Richard III say when a planning proposal was submitted for building parking lot?

“Over my dead body

Forceful friends

Fidel Castro visits Moscow and is taken on a tour by Leonid Brezhnev. First, they go for a drink, and Castro praises the beer. “Yes, it was provided by our good friends from Czechoslovakia,” says Brezhnev. Next, they go for a ride in a car, and Castro admires the car. “Yes, these cars are provided by our good friends from Czechoslovakia.”

They drive to an exhibition of beautiful cut glass, which Castro greatly admires. “Yes, this glass is provided by our good friends from Czechoslovakia.”

Soviet rules

A man from the Soviet Union obtains a permit to move to the USA, and his new neighbor asks how he much he likes his new apartment, so he asks him what his apartment was like back in Russia.

“Oh, my old apartment was perfect. I could not complain.”

So his neighbor then asks him what his job was like back home.

“Oh, my old job was perfect. I could not complain.”

So the neighbor asks him what the food was like back in the USSR.

“Oh, the food was perfect. I could not complain.”

Puzzled, the neighbor finally asks him, if everything was so great in the Soviet Union, why did he move?

The man says, “Here I can complain.”

“They must be very good friends,” says Castro. “Yes,” says Brezhnev,” they must.

[miletus12]

Jun 5, 2022 19:07:44 GMT lordroel said:

still i do not see a joke in the post you made.

The joke with Wilson is something like this:

Before Wilson.

G. We're the government. We're here to help you.
C. Thank God! Now our meat is safe to eat.

After Wilson.

G. We're the government. We're here to help you.
C. Okay, how are you going to help me?
G. We're going to tell you how to raise sheep.
C. But; I raise cattle.
G. No, you raise sheep. It says so right here in our book that you raise sheep.
L. Moo.
C. Does that sound like a sheep to you?

[lordroel]

Jun 5, 2022 19:26:19 GMT miletus12 said:

Jun 5, 2022 19:07:44 GMT lordroel said:

still i do not see a joke in the post you made.

The joke with Wilson is something like this:

Before Wilson.

G. We're the government. We're here to help you.
C. Thank God! Now our meat is safe to eat.

After Wilson.

G. We're the government. We're here to help you.
C. Okay, how are you going to help me?
G. We're going to tell you how to raise sheep.
C. But; I raise cattle.
G. No, you raise sheep. It says so right here in our book that you raise sheep.
L. Moo.
C. Does that sound like a sheep to you?

Now that is a Historical joke.

But not for people like the farmer.

[miletus12]

Jun 5, 2022 19:30:14 GMT lordroel said:

Jun 5, 2022 19:26:19 GMT miletus12 said:

The joke with Wilson is something like this:

Before Wilson.

G. We're the government. We're here to help you.
C. Thank God! Now our meat is safe to eat.

After Wilson.

G. We're the government. We're here to help you.
C. Okay, how are you going to help me?
G. We're going to tell you how to raise sheep.
C. But; I raise cattle.
G. No, you raise sheep. It says so right here in our book that you raise sheep.
L. Moo.
C. Does that sound like a sheep to you?

Now that is a Historical joke.

But not for people like the farmer.

Or the livestock.

[Max Sinister]

Two Jews - named Weiss and Schwarz - meet in Nazi Germany.

Weiss: "Schwarz, I heard you've been to Dachau. Could you tell me how it really is?"

Schwarz: "Well, what do you expect? In the morning, we rose at six and went for breakfast. Bread, jam, and coffee. OK, the coffee could've been hotter. Then they drove us with a bus to work - gluing labels on conserves. Then we had lunch. The salt was lacking, other than that it was OK. After that, more work. Then back to the camp, and dinner. Not exactly from a star chef, but bearable. Afterwards you could listen to a lecture, or watch a movie. That was a typical day."

Weiss: "That's what Dachau is like?! I can't believe it! You know, our friend Kohn has been there as well - but he told me totally different things!"

Schwarz: "Exactly - that's why they sent him back there!"

[miletus12]

The grass is greener on that other side of the hill?

[miletus12]

--Someone asked me if I could tell them what nationality Napoleon was?
--I said: "Corsican."

--How do you make Chicken Napoleon?
--Apply Beef Wellington?

Russian joke.

A Military Parade Happens in Moscow. Alexander the Great, Julius Caesar and Napoleon are watching it from the balcony as Putin's guests. (Don't ask, it is supposed to be a joke. M.)

Alexander could not take his eyes off the tanks. "If I had chariots like these," he said, "I could have conquered the whole of Asia."
Caesar eyed the missiles and said, "With such arrows, I could have ruled the world."
Napoleon glanced up from a copy of Pravda and said, "With a newspaper like this, no one would even have heard of Waterloo!"

[miletus12]

Russians.

[Max Sinister]

1943, two emigrated German Jews, Weiss and Schwarz, meet after a long time in Manaus, Amazon jungle.

Weiss: "Say, what are you doing now?"

Schwarz: "I'm walking through the jungle, harvesting rubber from rubber trees. When I have enough, I return to the city and sell it. Well, it's a way of living. And you?"

Weiss: "I'm walking through the jungle too, catching poisonous snakes and harvesting their poison. When I have enough, I return to the city and sell it. Well, it's a way of living. - But tell me: Have you heard anything about our old friend Cohn?"

Schwarz: "Oh yes. He's become an adventurer."

Weiss: ""

Schwarz: "He returned to Germany."

[lordroel]

Jul 15, 2022 20:41:27 GMT Max Sinister said:

Schwarz: "Oh yes. He's beome an adventurer."

Weiss: ""

Schwarz: "He returned to Germany."

Sadly that is still the case in many European countries for them.

[miletus12]

George was a critic.